By Jonathan Desaussure
When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can do you no harm. — African Proverb
Most people who want to accomplish their goals and dreams. There are times in the process of accomplishing, one gets stuck, and he or she may not know why. Have you been there? I have. When you are working on your goal and progress seems to stagnate, and you don’t know why, that’s called a blind spot. A blind spot is a section of a field of view where the eye can not detect any visual information. Just because one can’t see what’s in his or her blind spot doesn’t mean nothing is there. To get a better view, an individual has to move to another perspective to see what’s in the blind spot. Our minds have blind spots too. A mental blind spot is when a person has the habit of doing something that is counter productive to his or her goal, and he or she isn’t consciously aware the habit is destructive to the realization of the goal. This is called self-sabotage. These are the people you meet that curse the results of their behavior, but in the same breath defend the behavior that gave them the unwanted results.
Let me give you an example.
It can be in any endeavor in life but I want to talk about the corporate situation. Meet my fictional business character. Her name is Sharron. Sharron is twenty-five, sexy, and brilliant. She is loved by her peers, and admired by the executive staff at work. Her boss, Mr. Henry, has been watching her for a few months and wants to promote her to a new executive position. This means she could earn six figures. Mind you, she has never earned six figures or personally been friends with anyone who has. Mr. Henry approaches Sharron and asks her,
“How would you like to be a sales and service executive?” She blinks her big browns and answers,
“I’d love to. What do I have to do?”
“Bring me your resume’, tomorrow, and we’ll talk then.”
“All right,” she says and she gets back to work.
That night, Sharron works on her resume’, getting it in perfect condition, especially concerning her area of customer service achievements. She finishes it at 1:00 A.M., prints it out, puts it in a large folder, and tucks the folder into her giant pocket-book she’s going to take to work with her.
She’s at work. It’s 11:30 A.M. Mr. Henry stops at Sharron’s desk. They trade smiles.
“Sharron, would you like to join me for lunch?”
“I’d love to,” says Sharon, with enthusiasm. She grabs her purse and she and her boss walk out the office together. As they ride in his car, she’s wondering if he’s going to ask her for her résumé ‘right there. She’s ready.
In the restaurant, Mr. Henry pulls the chair out for her. She sits and places her purse on the floor by her feet. He sits on the other side, and starts a conversation about the weather and the game on TV last night. You know, to set her at ease. Then he asks…
“Did you get your resume’ together for me?” Suddenly, Sharron feels chills running through her body and it’s not cold outside. She looks down on the floor at her purse. There it is, sticking out of the folder sticking out of the pocket-book. She looks away from the folder, looks her boss in the eyes, smiles, and says,
“My computer went on the bum last night. I’m sorry.”
Later that day, Sharron is at her desk feeling low. She’s on the phone with her boyfriend. He asks her,
“Well, did you get the promotion?”
“I don’t wan to talk about it,” she says.
“Did you give Mr. Henry the resume?”
“It needs more work and I’ll give it to him later.”
What! Sharron was in like Flinn, but instead, she CHOSE to be out, without a doubt.
Sharron thought she was ready. She has behaved like this in the past and lost an opportunity. She doesn’t like the results but never sat down and asked herself why she does what she does. She thinks, things never work out for her. She defended her self-sabotaging action to her boyfriend.
There are a lot of subconscious reasons for self-sabotage. I’ve sifted through a pile of information and came up with three reasons that should touch on most facets of self-sabotaging behavior: fear, poor self-esteem, and wrong priorities.
Today we concentrate on fear. A person my fear a lot of things: failure, success, risk, change, or even responsibility. Sometimes it’s the fear of the unpleasant work ahead of them, or the loss of the people who don’t want to move on with them that holds them back.
So how do you get past this if this is you? You move to an outside perspective and observe yourself to determine if you have fear of any of the things I mentioned earlier. Then, you change your attitude about the process of accomplishing your goal and use the three suggestions that follow.
1.) Choose to not care if you fail. Huh? What? That’s right. By not caring if you fail, you get rid of the fear of failure. You no longer tie your self–image to a failing event. You are not a failed event anyway.
2.) Consciously choose the right actions. Most people do what they do out of habit. Just because it’s an automatic action doesn’t mean it the correct action. Example: You are working on loosing weight. You become hungry and choose a candy bar instead of a salad because you’ve always satisfied your hunger with a candy bar—self-sabotage. Why? Because you are choosing the wrong action that will make you feel bad later and sabotage your desired results.
3.) Remember that the law of averages always prevails. Success is not guaranteed, but you can guarantee a right action from yourself on a consistent basis. You eventually win. It’s a God law, seed-time and harvest, or cause and effect, whatever you want to call it.
Take a moment to observe your behavior about certain things in your life you want tot change. Sometimes you are unconsciously sabotaging your chances for success. Other times, you are doing the right thing; you just haven’t done it long enough. You can do it. Next time the discussion will be on poor self-esteem and self-sabotaging behavior.
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